Have you ever put a lot of effort into something, expecting others to celebrate with you, only to discover that the people you thought cared really did not? It is a disappointing feeling, for sure!
When we live to please other people, we easily become disappointed when realizing we do not have their approval and support. People-pleasing comes from a sense of lack and need. However, when we live from a sense of completeness and self-worth, we do not operate from a sense of lack and emotional co-dependence with others. But, even when our motivations come from a healthy viewpoint of ourselves and others, where our efforts are centered in our sense of worth, we still have a need for support and connection. It is a natural part of who we are. When we lack support and connection, we miss out on the best experiences in life! We are social beings meant to connect with and support one another.
Celebration drives us forward! Take a moment to think about all the ways this is true in our world, for nations, communities, families, organizations, churches, schools, your family, you and your friends, and yourself!
Here is a metaphor which will help illustrate this: You decide to go on a journey hiking in the mountains. You go alone!
I know what you’re thinking already. Not a good idea!
There are many reasons hiking alone can be dangerous. No-one else is there to help protect you from attacks by wild animals, you carry your gear by yourself rather than sharing the load with someone else, if you get injured, there isn’t anyone to help you, and if you get lost it is solely up to you to figure out your way. In addition, traveling alone can be very lonely. There is a psychological cost to going alone. And, if you experience something amazing, no one else is there to experience it with you!
Think about the difference between climbing to the top of a mountain and celebrating with another soul, rather than climbing to the top and celebrating by yourself!
With that said, there are also some good reasons to hike alone. It can be liberating, you can make your own schedule, and it gives you the opportunity to be independent and face your fears. You are forced to use all the skills you know, and you grow in your confidence as a result. The same is true with our life journeys. Traveling alone without a guide can result in fatigue, loneliness, confusion, losing our way, and having no-one with whom to celebrate our journeys and successes. We are, by nature, social creatures. From birth, we must have nurturing and human connection in order to develop into healthy children and adults. The quality of our relationships has much to do with our happiness throughout our entire lives. We need connection, and we need others with whom we can celebrate!
Yet, at the same time that we need connection and support, being and doing alone is also part of life. We are born alone, and we die alone. While our family and friends are with us, God-willing, when we arrive and before we depart from this life, in a real sense, we enter and leave this life alone. Much of what we do throughout our lives, we do alone. Having the ability to lead our lives, be independent, take care of ourselves, and be successful are all parts of healthy living.
So, there is a balance. When we get too off-balance toward either dependence or independence, we experience stress. But, a further point is also important. There is a difference between doing alone and feeling lonely. Research increasingly shows the harmful impact of loneliness on our quality of life and even how long we live. Loneliness, like doing alone, calls for a re-balancing of our lives along the spectrum of dependence to independence. But loneliness, unlike just doing alone, often requires a larger adjustment. An adjustment to remedy loneliness can be approached from two different points: A change in our relationships and circumstances, or, a change in our perceptions of them!
Our journeys constantly call for this balance between interdependence and independence. This balancing act is a natural part of who we are. It begins at conception and continues throughout our lives. Many factors influence how well we live this balance. Early childhood trauma, for example, can significantly, negatively impact a person’s capacity for connection or independence in childhood and in adulthood. Conversely, a loving and nurturing family environment impacts people positively in every way.
Other factors influence how we negotiate this balance. For example, various cultures of the world view this balance differently. At one end of the spectrum are individualist cultures where independence is the primary value, and at the opposite end are collectivist cultures where interdependence is the primary value. See this nice map showing the spectrum of individualist to collectivist areas throughout the world. This balance exists on all levels — regions of the world, nations, cultures, communities, workplaces, schools, places of worship, families, and in our own intrapsychic experience.
Regardless of what our individual experiences look like, we can grow and change. Relearning isn’t restricted to childhood. Our brains can change! Scientific research increasingly shows this is true, and yes, even for adults. There is hope!
The Elton John song, Circle of Life, from The Lion King really speaks to me about the balance. Take a few minutes to read the lyrics and you’ll see what I mean.
We are all learning this balance. And we are never done learning. We are all at different places on our journeys, and because of this, there is no need to judge ourselves or others.
Part of learning this balance is partnering with others who will guide us on our journeys; those who will hike the rough trails with us, climb the tallest mountains with us, and stand at the mountaintops with us when we get there — and celebrate with us!
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So, what does your journey look like? Do you have people to join you as you grow? Was going it alone once exhilarating, but now you are exhausted from carrying a heavy load? Whatever the case may be, you do not have to travel your life journey alone. But, many people are doing so—sometimes successfully, but many are struggling.
Chances are that you are reading this blog post because you are tired of traveling your journey alone. Perhaps you feel lost, confused, lonely, or drained. Do you enjoy your work or do you dread showing up to a job you hate? Or perhaps you’ve been out of the workforce for a while! Do you know what you are passionate about, and do you live from that passion, or are you just going through the motions? Do you know your life purpose? Do you know where you are headed? Do you believe in yourself? Do you believe in something greater than yourself and the limiting perceptions you have been tolerated?
These are the kinds of questions my clients ask themselves, and these are the kinds of questions I help them answer. I help people with disabilities to live meaningful lives–Social Security disability beneficiaries who desire full-time work and to phase out of the trap of relying on public disability benefits.
I want to join with you on your journey! And… I’m excited about doing so!
Sometimes we all need a guide to help us navigate to what it is we truly desire. I am here to help you. I am honored to be your guide as you navigate your journey. We will celebrate your successes along the way, and when you get to the mountain top, we will celebrate you arrival together.
Through a holistic coaching approach engaging passion, purpose, abundance, and freedom, Your Amazing Journey, LLC empowers Social Security disability beneficiaries to obtain full-time employment, and phase off benefits in 3 years or less!
So, wherever you are on the circle of life, I am ready to join with you. Let’s do this together!
Browse around the website, and when you’re ready, reach out by scheduling an information session, or give me a call, or send an email! See my contact information in the footer of this page.
Sincerely,
Your coach for YOUR journey,
Jason
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